


bones and cosmos

by alwayslimerent



Category: Poetry - Fandom, poetry collection - Fandom
Genre: Freeverse poetry, Other, Poetry, poetry collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-07-18 16:24:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 77
Words: 6,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16122320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwayslimerent/pseuds/alwayslimerent
Summary: a collection of poems.





	1. "imagine all the people living for today"

i keep speaking in present tenses

when those tenses were gunned down to the past

before i could see

the artwork of their

presence in person

 

you said " _was"_

and it reminded me 

of the travels

that i love to get lost in

to escape

the travesties of today


	2. "the lament of a stagnant groupie"

no matter how much i try -   
no records i play  
no posters i hang  
no red velvet-tease things i wear -  
no imaginary magikal daydreams  
will reverse time  
for my soul  
to feel home again.


	3. "even goddesses need someone to hold them"

weird sick feeling  
in my stomach  
when i'm put on the  
skies and galaxies

when i've built my   
temple to be strong  
and alone - 

i'm sorry  
but i'm not willing  
to lose it all to you


	4. "on this day -"

someday  
you'll see all the times  
i got lost in the times  
i was traveling  
trying to tell you   
how much you mean to me.


	5. "i respect you enough to tell you"

it was like i was walking

right back into those days

that drunken state you left me in

\- that you put me in - 

a place so quiet and sacred

a place that had laughter

for a few times

is now forever stained

with the memory

of you fucking her

and fucking her over

and i was there to watch

as you painted the picture 

for me in my head

filled with fickle words -

right before you were about

to do the same to me.

 


	6. "red flags disguised as red roses"

i was out.   
i had escaped the cold prisons  
that gripped my mind  
the cold January winters  
the cold shivers  
and loud memories lost  
in music and escapes of time -  
they pushed me over the edge  
with a gentle,  
yet nonetheless heartless shove  
from your hands  
those hands that betrayed me -  
as blood runs cold in my veins  
and cheeks of fire  
that shade of red  
you're sickeningly in love with -   
fills my plastic shot glass  
of an everlasting sleep.


	7. "in the glance of a dream"

in the glance of a dream  
my eyes half awake  
leaves the trace  
of what i thought was real,  
to love  
and be loved in return  
an embrace  
made for only you  
by another  
living breathing being

how sorrowful and lonely it is  
to have all be gone and taken  
to cease in existence   
in the glance of a dream.


	8. "babysitting for a date"

there was just something about

the way you walked too slow

your gullibility

the clamorous laughter

bouncing off the walls

like the adrenaline in my veins

that night

 

manners and your lack of - 

or the way your posture 

was way too grandeur for

someone so small

or the way you  _whined -_

_like a baby -_

when his playdate was over.

 

i felt like a goddess

but i felt like a babysitter - 

and the way you had with words

brought me too far back

to flashbacks and an alien me

 

it was in that room

i felt so out of place

i wasn't made

to be a team mate

i needed to escape.

 

it was so exhausting

to talk

to breathe

to exist -

i was tired of proving

i was tired of embarrassing - 

 

and in that moment,

i have never felt so lonely

because it all went to shit

before it even became something.


	9. "why am i still trying"

i don't know who or where

you are,

but i hope someday

you find me

 

because it's getting so hard

so very hard - 

and lonely here

to keep trying to find you.


	10. "fast forward for my love"

i can't wait for the day

when all my worries

cease from existence

and are replaced by

your loving embrace

and gentle kiss

and comforting words

 

i can't wait for the day

when you silence my anxieties

and i silence yours.


	11. "your landslide chained me down"

why did you have

to make such beautiful music

into such a clamorous noise

that begs for attention

 

you turned a songbird 

into a bohemian chainsmoker

and electric screams of imagination

into acoustic cacophonies

 

why did you have to ruin 

such beautiful music

while you were screaming

to paint all

your whores in the sky


	12. "aries seasons"

watch me like a hawk

wiretap my veins

you'll only end up

as disappointed in me

as i am in you.

 

 


	13. "and i do."

_for james_

 

you are the philosophical kid that made it

and painted galaxies of

tears and passion

and love and pain

 

darling you have

planet earth's forests

in your eyes

and milky ways of snowflakes

for porcelain skin - 

with cherry nebulas for lips

and the dark mysteries of the black canvas

for the night sky of hair -

 

we could be a constellation, my love

if the Nor'Easter hadn't thrown awaty

decades of my time - 

maybe in another life, dearest - 

you could pick the rose that was

still blossoming in the snow

and always will be.


	14. "this is my happiness"

i hope you become

infatuated with

the red in your blood

spilling from your neck

like my words

and confessions that night - 

when karma

comes back 

and sucks the life 

out of you

til you're hung dry

and begging to die. 


	15. "et soudain, tout a changé"

i used to dream of knights

and castles

and kings - 

but one look at you

and the grass

and fire - 

the sun and moon

oceans and seas - 

are all i need

and i want to escape

all corruptions of society

and explore it all the same

with you.


	16. "the unspoken words of my many silences"

_for the man with the most beautiful eyes_

 

you are

laughing and stories

by a campfire

singing with friends

all the beautiful music

in the world

all the offerings

all the colors you could imagine

you are love - 

and love looks beautiful on you, honey

as i hope it does in me - 

just whisper those words

and i'll leave it all behind

to find all the world's wonders

with you. 


	17. "on thin ice, with tear-stained eyes"

funny how you talk

about walls

when i've been 

building up mine

to stop myself

before you hurt me.


	18. "love spells can't fool everybody"

signs left and right

are pointing to you

but it's the real psychic

in my stomach

that's telling me

you've got a whole garden

of red roses

hidden with your skeletons

in your closet

and are about to whisper

that i'm the only one. 

 

Venus has better things

in store for me.

i have better things in store - 

than to be used and pawned

just when my tears

have a bargain and you're bored

in your garden of eden.


	19. "metamorphosis"

it's the barmaid

with the cherry locks

that you see

 

it's eggshells

for a doormat

that you see

 

it's the pure virgin

that's right there

under your wing

you knew too much

now you know nothing - 

 

what you see

is dead - 

what i see

strives to be

with the crafts of night

with overseas flight

with new chosen blood of light

with hues of violets, pinks, and blues

and doves breaking my glass closet

of your black and white - 

 

you know nothing

what you still see

thanks you with a gentle arrow to the cold eye

for ever so slowly putting a sweet death

to who you made me become.


	20. "you were just a kid"

cold eyes

indie music

and staying up late

to take over the world - 

that's you 

that i read between the lines - 

you grew up to be a hero 

without even realizing it - 

collect the stars

while flying around

emerald mercuries - 

dry your eyes,

the ink is permanent 

but prejudice can be erased


	21. "into the wilderness"

i'll be waiting here

in the wanderlust of your eyes

i'm running wild with the horses

and a child of the forest

 

i could make a home here - 

you can't put a price on the stars

or the mountains

or the trees...

they can't find the truth - 

letting them eat cake

bathing in diamonds

and painting life by numbers

 

we're just two children of the forest

running wild with the rivers

and if i died

with leaps of faith off mountains

at least my soul

will be reborn with yous

 

and i'll be waiting here

in the wanderlust of your irises

my ashes will be the soil

of the forest

and my spirit 

will be running wild

with the horses.


	22. "where the pavement never grows"

i grow gardens from your words

with the soil of stardust

i could lay in these wildflowers forever

let this nature feed my head

as i show you

how beautiful

you make this world out to be. 


	23. "waiting"

being in love with the idea

of someone

is a cliché i know too well. 

it's not the calm of the storm,

it's a hurricane that sucks you in 

with the truth to tell - 

the waves in his eyes,

the tides in mine,

were tsunamis disguised

as clear skies - 

in the eye of the storm,

where a tornado is a home - 

you're still too blind to see

in that cyclone - 

you're laying there in the wildflowers,

in the prairies

listening to the sparrows sing

having Venus take your candles and crystals

under her wing - 

 

it's mythology.

it's an unknown her and not me,

then it stoops so low to the seven devils,

the gut feeling - 

time is fleeting,

t'was much too beautiful to be. 


	24. "the skeletons that were still in a loving embrace"

we're really just

bones and cosmos

blindly infatuated with the idea

that these telephone wire veins

actually speak love's language

that can't be spoken.


	25. "it couldn't be me"

please - 

just say you're the silver rivers

in this stone

that are making the galaxies turn

in my fingers - 

please say you'll take my hand

as we walk

with the roses and meadows

please say you'll kiss the sparkling sskies

that blanket over the lucky ones - 

please say your eyes will bring me home.


	26. "the way you look at her"

& here i am alone - 

where i always knew i'd be

as i was hoping

i would feel you sunlight

blooming right beside me - 


	27. "frustrations of anxiety"

sometimes i just

want to break this 

wall as tall as can be - 

even blocking me

off from the deities

 

off from you - 

every breath is a shiver

every thought is a capricious rollercoaster

every decision has rust

from waiting too long...

 

all those times where

the chemicals

drowned me in peril

and paralyzed me from living

 

please understand

that this wall -

suffocating me

from whispering my heart's quiet melodies

to you

 

the wall - 

blocking off every shrill ring

then creeping and closing in 

once everyone leaves - 

 

please see through

as each beat of purpose

and courage - 

is a step closer to you.


	28. "quand nos yeux se sont recontrés"

i find myself

drawing the flowers that grow

from your touch

and catching myself

with a contagious smile

as if kissed by the oceans' calamities -

each day passes,

and i hope you find yourself

somewhere drawing flowers too


	29. "adam and eve"

i still think about that day.

stripes of blues and pinks

painting layers of

a black and white

false identity 

to paint over

the truth.

the truth was recorded - 

a scared girl, mumbling

recycled words

from home 

and spewing 

a false identity

to shout over

the truth. 

_"I am so glad that's not me"_

i state, 

convincing myself 

_successfully,_

putting on

a war paint of hate

to cover the truth.

 

_God's light_

_won't shine_

_when i find the truth -_

 

there's darkness

when the lightbulb clicks

 

_God's light shines_

_when you spew love's lies -_

 

there is not a rainbow 

in the coldness of a home

 

_god's light_

_never shines_

_now that I know the truth._


	30. "now you're a rainbow"

warm eyes

soft strumming

and waking up

to hear the world's morning whispers - 

that's you

that i see in the sunrise - 

you grew gardens all around the world

without even realizing it - 

laughing and dreaming

all the same,

the steps of a wanderer,

imprinting the earth

like a tattoo - 

as the summer breeze

kisses your cheeks

and your greetings of melodies - 

keep smiling,

as it's only temporary,

but happiness echoes on forever.


	31. "and then i saw the seven seas, darling"

do you ever just

hear everything get quieter

underwater

that's how it feels

looking in your eyes


	32. "plenty of fish in the sea"

why is this so hard?

why is it so hard to drown while gasping for air,

to sustain trembling hands,

to find a fire somewhere with icy veins,

to succumb to god all mighty,

when Venus leaves you on edge -

when you've put up a wall

for all these years?

 

why is it so hard

to give my wandering feet the directions

to you

& speak

those words i've been rehearsing

to myself

ever since i first laid eyes on you?

 

why is it so hard

to jump when the lifeguard blows his whistle

after you've been admiring the oceans from the shore - 

to focus on the light,

the sun,

to keep the darkness from creeping in

knocking me out -

while all my chances wash away?

 

why is it so hard?

maybe because

the cards are comforting

the music drowns out everything

including me - 

& i finally feel like i can swim - 

 

but why is it so hard?

to breathe - 

to accept that this may be true - 

the fear - 

of it being too late - 

holding me back -

paralyzing me

from doing anything.


	33. "it was good while it lasted"

& here i am -

thinking it could've been me,

what a fool i've been -

what a pitiful little fool i've been.


	34. "the price i didn't know i was paying"

maybe -  
when i sold my soul -  
i made the promise  
to never receive -  
but only to give,  
as long as these words  
left my head  
for other sufferers  
to read.


	35. "corners"

 i think corners

are so scary 

because

they have to meet each other,

by force,

even if one wall is terrified,

& the other is confused. 

it's just a wall tapping the next

on the shoulder 

left in interrogation

of how they both even ended up there

 

maybe that's why 

they made us come face to face

with these corners

when we were children - 

to sympathize with the walls

trying desperately to leave - 

 

& maybe that's why 

we let nobody but these corners

see our truest tears - 

because no matter how badly

we both want to leave - 

the corners of our deepest thoughts

keep us here to stay - 


	36. "for future renaissance"

i admit -

i sometimes wonder

where you are, 

who you're thinking of, 

& who's planting a cherry blossom garden 

in your head

this time - 

 

is it still her

or did she finally drive away

to chase the dreams

i couldn't wait to chase?

 

but then 

i remember

of how much i lost of myself

for you - 

you never loved me

you loved what

you made of yourself

& how you could

open your heart

to something

you created -

 

you never even knew me before. 

because i didn't either - 

until i finally 

left you.

 

so this is where i close the page...

i will never deny that i loved you

with every dusty corner 

of my soul - 

 

but you gambled with

something so pure - 

you had no idea

you were going to unleash

the witchcrafts 

of my blood 

and the promising futures

of how unstoppable 

a broken girl can be.

 

you should be proud of yourself.

because i know i deserve

so much better.

& so do a myriad of

broken and blinded girls - 

who have no idea

just how unstoppable 

they're about to become.


	37. "but he's your brother"

if you would just stop laughing

and take a look under the rug

you'd see all the vows

that you've been ignoring

forsake all others

but don't forsake those words 

don't forsake the veins in his neck

from when he shook my naked body

like an earthquake

and the roars of narcissistic rage

ringing in my ears

through the quivering walls

don't forsake the threats

of him throwing me in open waters - 

a spectacle for all to see

don't forsake

_the disappointment of a daughter_

_the pitiful wife_

_the lazy dog_

 

don't forsake

every burden

that your blood has put on my soul

just to keep the vision 

of blood brothers and riffs and chords

alive

 

no blood is thicker

than the bonding of golden words

embracing the veins to your heart

 

you can't pretend for much longer.

because eventually - 

someone won't be afraid to start speaking. 

 

next time you think of any sort of praise - 

think of this 

and ask yourself

what did you vow to forsake?


	38. "earthbound"

as you were looking

through your rose colored lens

i looked up

and in the clouds

i saw a woman in the skies

opening her mind

just like how you told me 

not to. 

 

someday

i won't have to keep looking at the road

and i'll be a cloud


	39. "the forest"

to find a home

in a forest - 

a wanderer finding their way

back home

before they even knew they had one - 

a friend's laughter

embracing you before you even have seen

the crystal clear seas sparkling in their soul

and the riffs of a sturdy cinder block home

 

we took all our worries

and built a safe haven

 

and that is the most beautiful

thing you could ever imagine

in a town like this


	40. "people-watchers"

_i walked up behind you_

_like how my future strolls behind me_

_but still leads the way_

 

i shook your hand

you shook mine - 

our eyes kept meeting

and every second that went by

i just saw more smoke coming

out of that fire that you've started 

in my head - 

 

and as we watched all the people - 

all i could think of 

instead of their

tired and alive ruby eyes

were beads of jade

brooding and wondering about 

with passerby's

wandering aimlessly

like my thoughts before they were silenced

by that one look

_that one look -_

 

_i hope that i was one of those passerby's,_

_and i hope you noticed under these tired eyes_

_that i saw the way your eyes read my soul -_

 

_i do hope we_

_see each other again._


	41. "it was nice seeing you again"

and as the moon and all her glory

kissed our souls

with all her twinkling sisters - 

 

we laid on the grass

veiled with the dew

that brought me back to 

early mornings, library cards, and chalked up sidewalks

 

your laughter 

so full of youth

bloomed a meadow around me

that nobody else could see - 

 

or perhaps you saw it in my eyes

and how they smiled when

yours spoke to me


	42. "just another brown-eyed boy"

right after the storm

the sunlight in your eyes was here to stay

and all i could think about in that calamity

were the words i couldn't wait to write

once you left


	43. "the high priestess"

behind the façade

of a lioness

the breadwinner of society

gold chains and french braids

 

i see the sparkle in your eye

and the cherry blossom fields

of compassion and empathy 

the wanderess in your eyes

that wears her armor

because she's been broken without a shield before

 

i see those eyes made of broken glass

i see the empty parking lots

empty oil-spilled puddles of tears

and how you probably admired the colors they made

no matter the desruction

 

you made art of your destruction

 

i see those cherry blossom meadows

that bloom quietly

when no one else is looking


	44. "the girl that writes poems about everybody"

i hope one day

every single person reads 

of how every handshake

earthquake of laughter

or car ride through the galaxies 

 

kept bringing me back home

to write these words - 

 

i hope one day

every single person

reads this

and realizes

they are a part of nature

and they are a work of art

 

_you are the art_

_that scholars are trying to dissect to dust._


	45. "you looked like him, so i wrote a poem"

in a new place

yet i see a familiar face

 

i know it's not you

so why do i watch from afar

like i used to

 

maybe i haven't changed much - 

i still think of verses beyond comprehension  

every time i think of those frames 

i used to love so dearly

_the quiet king_

 

my heart still aches

every time i think

of the girl down in the meadows,

a naive one - 

wrapped in dead roses

and charcoal blanketing the eyes

i was so young

too young

_the winter knight_

 

but i know that's not you

you are a blank canvas

i could swallow my pride like a pill

and start a new tale - 

 

or i could start remain stagnant - 

lost in a sea of people 

that are nothing more

than dusty memories

 

do i really want to relapse

back

to the girl with roots for veins

fire in her lungs

suffocated with unsaid words - 

 

or do i finally love myself enough

to believe i am deemed worthy of a chance

in the lottery of stars?


	46. "london"

when i look at those September skies,

i am taken aback to when this yearn was first born,

growing like the flowers in the gardens,

a home seven seas away - 

and the tears born from separation

drizzled as the rains cried over the bridges

kissing the grasses with dew,

showering the ravens clean as they spread their wings

with the changing of the guards

 

with every twinkle of sunshine on the snow

the yearning for a fire in my lungs grows

every time the clouds stain crimson from the city lights

i want to look out my window

and see the home i once knew 

seven seas away -

 

how can you miss a place

you've never been, they ask - 

 

soaring over the clouds

and these pursued sights

became something i didn't know

could feel real

was the moment i felt

most comfort - 

taking all my burdens and worries

and dropping them like parachutes in the seven seas

as i finally came home - 

i finally came home, 

for the first time.


	47. "ghosts of fatalistic past"

why is it

that you keep coming back

in all the places i thought i would've been

free by now

 

the past grows like a garden

but spreads like a wildfire

to pages of tattletales, hidden giggles

and uprisen nonconformance

 

why is it

that one look - 

to the girl who'd lived a thousand lives

before you came back around;

you've seen so much,

yet so little of the truth -

 

why is it always _you_

_of all people_

that had to come back 

with that goddamned 

knowing twinkle in your eye


	48. "devil's advocate"

so here we go again,

almost like i had never died before - 

my resurrection interrogated by stories all a blur

as if we've just been growing like two flowers

in the same meadow

waiting for the next time...

 

you're a time traveling poster child

who's playing devil's advocate

with the sorceress of centuries

 

consider this a warning for your silver tongue,

fickle mind, and your maverick heart -

 

i will only do you damage

and ignite your spite - 

as you will for me.


	49. "and there you were"

and suddenly

the music got so much more beautiful

first quarter moons

crystals

and beautiful stars

empty cities

street lights

it all made so much sense

i never want to let go of that feeling

because for once

everything

is going right. 

 

for once, 

_everything._


	50. "for once, staying awake was better than any dream"

in the glance

of my drowsy eyes

trying so hard to stay awake,

leaves the trace - 

fluttering heartbeats and eyelashes

like the butterflies that flew us together

for once it is real,

 

to love

and to be loved in return

an embrace

made for only you

by another

living breathing being

 

what a calamity it is

to where everything

is just too beautiful to be true 

but would do sleep injustice - 

 

i could lay here forever,

but never shut my eyes

because for once this is tangible,

and beloved and sacred - 

this isn't fleeting

or stringing along

like cans tied to a bumper

 

this is a genesis;

all the stars were twinkling

and the moon in all her glory

i felt Luna's kiss

as everything was falling into place

and wasn't just 

a glance of a dream.


	51. "i found you, love"

i can't even pick up a pen -

the words seeping through

static fireworks

pale faces

all that i was solely able to do

is get these words out

as everything moves

in light years of time

while i feel

as if i'm floating through -

 

how does one build a fire 

out here in space?

how can i keep a pocket match

when i'm out of breath

and the flutters of my heart

grow cold to shivers of shrill panic?

 

how does one find a fire

to entrust

when every fire has eventually

burned you and left you there -

for the trees

bathing in dynamite

and the only thing that made you alive

was the moon and starlight;

 

one look at the lunar canvas of mystery - 

and there was a small flame in my eyes

that grew as the flowers died

into a meadow of ivory sheets

blanketing the grounds like the snow

that kisses your cheeks and makes them cherries

like his lips,

his words - 

 

and in that coldness

his eyes whispered words only your soul would hear

his arms were so inviting and familiar - 

i was finally home.


	52. "only love shall enter here"

as our souls held each other

and as you kissed my worries away - 

i saw galaxies above, darling

and they whispered our fate

by surrounding us with blue halos

of serenity 


	53. "how do i tell you this"

how do i tell you this - 

how do i walk by your side without

feeling as though i'm hiding mine?

how am i supposed to ignore

how her lips were so red

her accent thick as velvet - 

 

and how am i supposed to tell you

how she stole everything i thought i was

how she uncovered the façade of who 

they thought i was,

a caged elephant in the room,

that wrenches my heart

because it's so easy to unlock - 

 

how am i supposed to tell you

of how her hair was a waterfall of autumn ribbons

her smile made the flowers bloom

and something so pure

was so quickly silenced

by a man on fire,

drunk on the liquidity of 

who he saw in the mirror

and why they saw on stage

 

there is a freedom 

when i look in your eyes

i hope someday

you see the violets, blues, and fuchsias

that glow like the arms of the sun

every time i come near

so you see the tears of fears

in my eyes - 

i hope that when you see these true colors

you won't try to push them back in.

because pretending is something

i have been doing for my whole life

and for once

i can finally feel _free._


	54. "one day you'll look back and see this"

when i see

your nervous laughter shake the room

i see myself from many summers ago

and i so desperately want to tell her

that everything will be okay

and i want to ask her so badly

why does she sabotage herself in this way?

 

next time your adrenaline fuses mindless chatter

and shallow breaths that you could drown in

please remember

_that you deserve to be happy_

_and that Venus will kiss your cheek one day_

_and whisper_

_"that's him"_

 

and you'll be calm 

for the first time;

because you'll be meeting someone

your soul had known and loved

centuries ago

 

and you'll see yourself

from many summers ago

and you'll so desperately want to tell her

that everything will be okay

and wonder

while you're in an embrace

with the warmth of a wildfire

and the world wrapped around your fingers - 

why you sabotaged yourself of this paradise

all this time

 

and my heart aches and yearns

for the day

when you find that paradise.


	55. "the words my heart speaks every time you leave"

you are so familiar, my love

the smoke in your lungs

the crackle of the fire in your eyes

and that knowing look

that i have seen in my daydreams

countlessly 

 

you are so cool, my love

how the sun and wind

pass light years behind us

with melodies of danger

concocting our addictions

and drowning them in the tales

of how we found each other

 

what are the chances, my love

that every single thing happened

just for my soul

to finally meet yours

after waiting for so long 

 

i have finally found you, my love

and your arms

are as warm as i'd imagined

your eyes

don't have a façade;

you are the breath of fresh autumn air

that i've been yearning to take for so long

after all my gardens drowned in tears of April showers


	56. "and there i was"

through the cracks

i hope you're there

and i hope

you're everything

i thought you were.


	57. "9.29.18"

every breath

is an adventure

when your brooding eyes

smile through the smoke

and lost blacklit souls

mindlessly masking their

loneliness - 

 

so many stories

surround me under the moon

 

chattering teeth among mouthwash

and in your warmth i realize

this is still beautiful

 

i would go 

anywhere in the world

with you.


	58. "meet me in the equinox"

and for once

the gypsy moon and all her

sparkling space starlets

told a fortunate fate - 

a fate where the air is chilly

to have my hand held in yours

dark wool jackets of an embrace

fireside embers in the air

under crimson street lights

the sun riding away from our horizons

like a lone rider on a horse in the deserts of 

the conquest for love;

 

for once,

i heard a melody

and not a cacophony - 

instead of bad nostalgia

brewing in my mind,

we were rewriting history

for all those wasted autumns

that broke my heart before - 

i can finally bask in the short-lived paradise

my daydreams have to offer.

 


	59. "my first drink"

jazz fills the air

velvet encompasses my soul

smoke fills your lungs

you offer me your drink

fire grows as your eyes grow divine -

this is how i will find myself

sipping the liquor

you find yourself chasing

under the moonlight. 


	60. "the words my heart spoke while you were away"

love is 

when you could write

songs beyond sonnets beyond symphonies

and nothing would ever come close

to the whisperings of your heart's song

 

when you could sing

or scream

the lyrics that almost seem

as if they've been written 

in the stars

waiting for you to hear - 

but nothing would come close

to the words your eyes speak

when looking into his - 

 

when you could 

write their names in candlelight

and their auras in rose petals - 

but nothing will come close

to an embrace

when your breath shakes like a leaf

taking its last breath

 

love is 

when your heart

wants grandiose things in favor for him

and for him to have

things only gods can give him

 

but giving him the simplest thing

just to see him smile

is something

only the gods can give you

 

and they are - 

with every heartbeat that dances with his

while you're fast asleep,

they are.


	61. "how do you tell someone that they are your home"

you asked what's on my mind

when your lips meet mine - 

 

when you finally come home

from the rain

when you finally have a fire

within the evergreens

sighs of relief

while silently dancing - 

 

feather-like fingertips

that bring you back to earth

after you've been floating

so far away - 

 

the sturdy holy ground,

a safe haven that 

smolders with secrecy

 

i see angels, my love

the ones that twinkle

galaxies of royal velvet blue

and the ones who

protect me from my own

dangerous mind

that i see in all beauty

once i open my eyes. 


	62. "for all those who believe i've changed"

don't get it twisted

with my kisses - 

i'll never be your servant

i'll never shower you with worship

i'll never stoop myself low to worthless

or feed my garden of demons

 

don't get it twisted

i'll never be restricted

or a victim

like i was

when there was an ice age in my bloodstream,

before the heavens shifted.


	63. "hangover"

my love,

my love, 

_my love,_

why did i ever doubt you?

you always find me lost at sea,

least expected;

 

the gravitational pull

of the light of your fire

brings me back

to where i should be.

 

the brain works like a mirror

inside a funhouse, 

but your grip

around my wrist

brings me back

to where i should be. 

 

the brain works like your best friend

yet your worst enemy, 

and feeds you lies

like scraps to swine

but your whispers

of words divine

bring me back

to where i should be.

 

the truth

is like the first punch to the gut,

it sometimes hurts

but other times

it whispers to your soul

while sitting under a tree

and brings you back

to where you should be,

 

my love, 

my love, 

_my love,_

 

_why did i ever doubt you?_


	64. "high school mindset"

when will they realize

there is more to 

souls connecting

than a picture - 

when there are no words

that are worth it;

 

than a fire

that grows down below

and in your gambling lungs

when lust fills your eyes

and no love;

 

than a lie

when you're at

an adolescent loss

stuck in your

adolescent daydreams


	65. "flower"

tell me, comfort me,

as tears well in my eyes

as the shower's tears well in the shower

why i  _should_ feel i have dirt

blanketing my naked body

when this bruised mark of reassurance

makes me feel so clean and

reminds me that i exist and

blood runs through my veins to

rush to the parts that need that most - 

 

why i  _should_ feel red letters on my chest

as their eyes all watch me

when the feeling of wanting them to know

that i am  _his_

and he is  _mine_

and proving to the world 

that there's no defect in me

that deems me unlovable - 

 

why i  _should_ feel so much shame

for showing him the parts of me

that only tears would touch

and for once

feeling  _beautiful_

 

why i  _should_ feel

like scum 

who's had ivory gardens stolen from me

when those moments

behind locked doors

make me feel

a white light shining on me

that just maybe

could  _only_ be god's light

 

scold me on why i  _should_ feel

so impure,

when i feel

the purest feeling

in the world

and only want more.


	66. "deadweight"

is it bad

that i already know the songs

that i wouldn't be able to bear

to listen to

if you ever broke my heart?

 

i'm terrified of that day

if it ever happens

because your mind is so lovely

and i love the melodies

that are admired by it


	67. "for when i see you again"

god, i hope you're who i saw

under the trees

observing me

and encompassing my soul

until you could hold it captive

like a butterfly

 

i hope you're who i saw

strolling towards me

on that first night

when your hand first found mine

and held it for safe keeping

like a firefly

 

i hope you are the same

as you were

when my eyes first met yours

for the very first time - 


	68. "used"

how could someone

see a pair of eyes like yours

and bargain a heart

to pawn it off for lust

 

how could someone 

put on such a charade

to mask the adolescent 

with drugstore hair dye

and chapstick

 

how could someone

never know

that the eyes, darling

not the lips - 

not the burning golden gates of glory

not the pennies - 

are the window to the soul

 

and how could someone 

see a glimpse of a soul like yours

and still bargain a heart

to pawn it off

 

that is the most evil thing

one can ever do. 

 


	69. "i promise, it's not getting bad again"

you know it gets bad

when you find yourself alone

and the only thing to stop the thoughts

 

are what made everything go bad

in the first place

 

please, give me all of the happiness

but please don't make me remember

any of the times where 

i grew terrified of the

monsters hidden under the

bed in my brain

 

that's why i find myself drinking

the sleeping potions

that i've grown a guilty pleasure for

 

please, put these thoughts to sleep

and let me drift away

to somewhere happier

away from my thoughts and second guessings

to somewhere

that has you


	70. "nostalgia"

still, after everything - 

i still feel the butterflies

and every time you look at me

i meet you for the first time

all over again


	71. "no longer stagnant"

i think of all the tales

where we could have met - 

all the times you could have found me - 

and i thank whoever is watching over us

that they made our souls stop searching

before they could find each other.

 

my soul had to travel back in time

before it could move forward

to yours.


	72. "1:44pm"

as i pick up the pieces from last night

i wake up to the sun shining through the curtains

and am reminded of how your touch

made me see gods

i thought never existed

 

how my soul craves

to get lost with yours

as they dance together

and love together

 

how my soul craves that paradise with you

forever.


	73. "december 2nd"

they say it won't hurt

if it's with the soul

that you're bound forever with - 

 

but even if it does,

the pain

from the veins

growing a tree of life

aligning the stars

reminding you that you're real

and loved

 

when your hands get numb

and you gasp for air - 

 

that's your soul leaving 

for a moment

to collide with his. 


	74. "let me in"

let me read the words

that you've engraved

on your soul

 

for my soul has whispered 

everything out into the december winds

for every other soul to feel

as they're being caressed

by the purpose of the world


	75. "to my love"

this is the day

when all my worries

cease from existence

and are replaced by

your loving embrave

and gentle kiss

and comforting words

 

it's finally the day

the day i have waited eternities for - 

when you silence my anxieties

and i silence yours.


	76. "a pattern of thoughts at 2am"

i hope i'm not the girl twirling in denim

or the pair of locked lips under the bleachers

or the rhythms of the thoughts that make you

want to end it all in the basement 

 

;

 

when you wake up

that period of peace in a time blip

when your brain forgets everything

for a split second

that's what being with you is like

except it lasts forever.

 

;

 

it's hard to believe

when things start to go right

when you've always been the one

dreaming

and dreaming

_and dreaming_

with a lump in your throat 

and ice in your lungs 

that he would pick you

_and every time he never did_

 

;

 

i see a future, darling - 

and it's right in front of me, smiling

and my heart sees a home

in the murmurs of your heartbeat


	77. "home"

you are my future - 

whether out in fields 

skies so blue even the clouds have gardens

in quaint canary cottages with dirt basements

a child with a spirit of firesong and hazel eyes

 

you are my home - 

whether our bands are made in gold or tin foil

whether in the blistering winds or in the summer breeze

whether our heartbeats and steps are sturdy as a war drum

or unsettling as our past - 

 

wherever you are,

i desire to be.

your adventure is mine

and my adventure is yours,

because, my love,

life isn't an adventure without you.

 

you are my everything and more,

until we are whithering in each other's arms

waiting to meet each other in paradise 

all over again.

 

i cannot wait, my love.

for the future is so clear it's tangible - 

like it's never been before. 

for once i cannot wait.


End file.
